


The Loneliest Corner of the Meteor

by KarkatVantabulous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Black Romance, Blood, Corpses, Death, Depression, F/F, F/M, Feelings Jams, Flashbacks, Gore, Graphic Description of Corpses, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, M/M, Mentions of Solkat, Minor Sollux Captor/Karkat Vantas, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Dave Strider, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Retcon Timeline, dead humans, dead trolls, eridan ampora/karkat vantas - mentioned, everyone's dead, mentions of erikar, mentions of quadrant confusion, mentions of sollux captor/karkat vantas, non-pale feelings jams, slight mention of gamkar, slight solkat, unofficial pale actions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarkatVantabulous/pseuds/KarkatVantabulous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat's lonely. He was lonely ever since Kanaya and Rose hooked up. Since Dave and Terezi hooked up. Since the death of a vast majority of his friends. Since Gamzee broke off the already fragile pale relationship with him. What's a troll to do when no one on this small meteor will even give him the time of day?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

These movies were stupid. Stupid and repetitive. It was the same plot over and over and over again. Karkat sighed in frustration and slammed his husktop shut. None of his movies that he once loved interested him. None of them. The cancer troll leaned back on the makeshift pile he made for himself and let his eyes wander the room he was currently in.

It was a fairly large room, one that he carved out in a secluded corner of the meteor. Karkat was just poking around the meteor when boom. He, unintentionally, found this empty room. Karkat instantly filled it up. He covered the walls in posters of movies of war, documentaries, romcoms, or posters of the latest and greatest video games. On top of the posters were photographs. Photos of Equius and Nepeta, Tavros and Gamzee, Feferi with Sollux or Eridan, Sollux with Aradia, Kanaya with Karkat, Vriska and Terezi and many more combinations of trolls. Tacked on top of the photos were drawings. Drawings of Nepeta's ships or different FLARPing persona's, drawings of a new dress or new design for a robot.

The room itself was littered with a rainbow of objects. The floor was covered in different objects. FLARPing materials, books, jewelry, dice, wands, horns, ninja stars, pillows, a scalemate or two, movie cases, video game cases, robot parts, paint sets, balls of yarn, and teapots. The pile Karkat was resting in was an accumulation of clothing articles and cut up cloth. It held the shirts, skirts, dresses, coats, costumes, capes, hats and cut pieces of cloth that were once rejected clothing articles from Kanaya. The pile was gross, in all honesty. A smell of seawater, honey, dirt, sweat, fancy perfume, sugar, and a faint (almost undetectable) smell of blood.

The room was idiosyncratic. The different likes of his friends all came together perfectly to make one amazing style. The room was bright and colorful, inviting. Anyone who stepped in here would instantly feel welcomed. The odd mixture of the smells was kind of off-putting but Karkat didn't mind. The smell that might've been considered gross to others was calming. Like the pheromones that a lusus gave off, the familiar scent a grub grew up to know and love.

Though the room was bright and happy looking, it gave off a certain wave of sadness. This room was filled with the interests of Karkat's deceased friends or the interests of the three living friends that didn't find an interest in Karkat anymore. This room was sad, yet comforting. It made him feel as if he was there with his friends. He felt like nothing had changed, it was just them all together again. Sometimes Karkat would close his eyes and imagine his friends there. Gamzee next to him smelling strongly of slime with Tavros beside him and the two would rap quietly. Eridan would be on the other side of Karkat, complaining about various things. Sollux would be talking with Feferi whilst Aradia's robot stood nearby. Equius and Nepeta would be happily conversing with one another over various subjects. Kanaya would be sitting in the corner, sewing a patch into Terezi's FLARPing costume whilst Terezi argued with Vriska.

Karkat was alone. He felt empty and unloved. He spent nearly all his time in this room which was so secluded and detached from the rest of the meteor. For god's sake, this room _didn't even have air vents._ The halls outside the closed door of this room, Karkat's sacred space, were unfamiliar. The cancer troll was sure the only possible way to enter this secret little space of his was to take a string on transportalizers here, though Karkat had to put in a special password in order to reach his sacred area.

The red blooded troll grabbed a garment from the pile, Eridan's cape, and wrapped it around himself. The smell of blood and seawater mingled with one another creating a foul smell. Karkat didn't care, this reminded him of his sea dweller friend. Karkat shut his eyes and began reminiscing of those times he shared with Eridan. All those times he never got a chance to step onto LOWAA or all the times he declined Eridan's invitation to watch a war movie. He regretted all of that, all the times he never took advantage of hanging out with his friends, all the times he figured he'd have the rest of the game and hopefully their lives to watch movies or draw or play games. He knew he could still visit them in the dream bubbles but it just wasn't the same. Not to Karkat.

Karkat's stomach growled rather loudly. Time to hit the meteor's nutrition block. He pulled himself upward and stretched, his joints popping loudly in the quiet room. He walked out of the comfort of his sacred room and out into the loneliness of the outside meteor. Karkat took his string of transportalizer away from his space and into the computer lab. The lab was once a socializing area for him and all his friends, now it was abandoned. He considered it a sort of memorial to the good times he shared with his friends, the others considered it just another room.

Karkat walked down the hall, past all the respiteblocks once inhabited by the trolls. These respiteblocks were now stripped down, things taken from those rooms to the little area Karkat had created for himself. It was odd being outside his space. He left the room rarely. There was an ablutionblock down the hall from it so he went their for his hygienic needs and he took most of his things (movies, books, clothes etc.) over there. He only really left to grab some leftover grubloaf the others didn't eat or some human cusine.

His friends didn't really note the gaps between Karkat's disappearances. They just assumed Karkat was locking himself up in his respiteblock out of anger because another argument with Dave had gone without change. Karkat would argue with Dave about his matespritship with Terezi, but in reality, Karkat didn't care. He couldn't care less if Terezi was "human dating" Dave Strider. All he wanted was for them to know he was there and the only way he knew to do so was to pick a fight with someone. He knew this probably wasn't the best way to get some recognition but he tried asking the others to watch movies with him or read or play video games, anything really, but everyone just blantly stated they were far too busy.

Karkat walked past the small mixture of trolls and humans all in the common area and straight into the nutritionblock. He poked around the thermal hull but there wasn't much in there. Finally, the small troll settled on taking the rest of the protein bars and shakes Equius liked so much, a couple fruits, a slice of cold pizza, some cold grubloaf. He set this food in its rightful place in his sylladex and walked out the nutrition block.

Kanaya and Rose were huddled together at one of the desks, reading a book on troll romance. Terezi and Dave were huddled together at another desk drawing together. Surprisingly, Gamzee was there. He sat on the couch, a magazine in hand and a bored expression on his face. None of them looked up or even noticed Karkat walk in.

Karkat could feel his blood pusher squeeze. Was this really it? Were his friends just going to toss him aside like yesterday's edition of game grub? That hurt him and he could feel the tears start to well up. No. No he wasn't going to cry. That wouldn't do anything for himself except show that he's an overly emotional wriggler, though his friends already knew as much.

Karkat confidently began to walk over to the little jumble of his supposed "friends", mentally preparing another orchestra of curse words and insults when Dave looked up at him. This made Karkat stop, someone had _finally_ noticed him. His blood pumper skipped a beat until he saw the Knight of Time sigh heavily and roll his eyes, returning his attention to the drawing before him.

This made Karkat's good feeling instantly vanish. His red tears began clouding his vision again but it wasn't out of sadness. No, he was _angry._ He didn't expect white hot anger to begin bubbling up deep inside him. He didn't expect that white hot anger to overflow and cause Karkat to start screaming at the others. He didn't expect to be unable to stop these screeches of anger, it was like it was word vomit. And he was stuck with word vomit flu.

"Well well well, what have we here? Looks like a giant cluster fuck of bullshit is going on here." This caught the attention of the five others in the common room. Terezi groaned softly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Too fucking busy, huh? _Too fucking busy doing absolutely nothing but being neglectful dickheads._ " This was new and caused a few eyebrows to raise. Karkat huffed and glanced over at Kanaya and Rose.

"Not a fucking surprise that Kanaya is super glued to the one and only Rose fucking Lalonde. By the way, I never got a chance to thank you for stealing a good friend of mine. Thank you so fucking much. Really, it means a lot that you keep her so busy with you "endearing" mysterious side and alcoholism. She's so busy with you that now she doesn't even _remember_ me! I bet you she doesn't even know my name!" The anger and sadness was starting to mix now and the red tears were starting to stream down his cheeks. "She probably doesn't even remember all those fucking movie nights she's missed with _me_ because she was so fucking busy helping _you_ stumble into your repsiteblock!" The Knight of Blood turned his attention to a slightly surprised looking Dave and a shocked Terezi. A new wave of anger bubbled up and spilled over.

"And no, I didn't come here for my usual argument with you over your current relationship status with Terezi, Dave. You know, I _couldn't care less_ if the two of you were red or pale or pitch or ashen or whatever kind of fucked up human romance there is! I don't even _like_ her anymore! Fighting with you is the _only_ way i can get her to at least talk to me nowadays, even if it is to tell me to stop. At least that's _something._ " Terezi opened her mouth, about to say something but Karkat cut her off. "You won't even talk to me, Strider! At least before you would tell me something stupid and annoying, at least that was also _something_!" The cancer troll's voice was shaking and it was noticeable. His glare moved from the two of them to the capricorn sitting on the couch. Karkat felt the sadness overwhelm him as he begun his rant to Gamzee.

"And _**you**_." He began, the tears overflowing and streaming down his cheeks. "You... _asshole._ You _stupid stupid...asshole._ We were best fucking friends. God, I remember you would fucking pale flirt with me like there was no goddamn tomorrow. I remember before these asshole humans got here you would cling to my fucking side on this meteor. You would spend next to every waking _second_ with me. Or what about when we were younger? You remember that shit? You remember how you were my only friend for an entire sweep? How i confessed to you my blood color? How we would talk _every fucking day?!_ " Karkat screamed out as he desperately wiped the red tears away from his eyes. 

"R-Remember how I fucking pacified you? Seems like such a long time ago...I remember thinking: _'If I can calm him down then we must really be destined for moirallegiance.'_ And we were, but you didn't put up your end of this whole relationship and...and...and now i'm...alone. I'm alone Gamzee. My goddamn best friend went murder mode and is now putting up this retarded "I'm a highblood. I'm superior" act. And you wanna know the worst part? I'm _still_ sickeningly pale for him. I remember how i would pretend to hate it when you pale flirted with me. And pretend that you annoyed me but you didn't. You were and are still a messed up kid. And when I would go on my shitty little self loathing rants about how other people were the little pebbles in my shoes, the things that annoyed me to no extent, I would blame myself. And I would blame everybody else. But never you." 

Karkat finished his rants and sniffled. The others were as still as stone. They certainly weren't expecting such an emotional outburst from Karkat. The cancer troll felt a fresh new wave of tears beginning to appear. Karkat didn't want to cry in front of the others anymore, so without another word he walked out the common room. He slammed the door that cut the common room off from the hallway. The tears began spilling out of his eyes and he heard a voice, Gamzee? Dave?, call out his name. Karkat wasn't going to deal with this. 

The cancer troll broke out into a full fledged sprint. He sprinted back into the computer lab, hearing footsteps and his name behind him. He didn't stop. He just ran onto the transportalizer and appearified in the location of the next one. He continued running and appearifying until he reached the transportalizer that would take him back to his sacred spot. He wasted no time taking out the palmhusk Tavros had left behind and connected to the transportalizer. He heard the transportalizer go off and Dave's voice ringing in the hallway. Karkat quickly typed in his password and hopped onto the platform. 

He appearifyed in the lone, empty hallway and stepped off the machine. The tears had died down and Karkat had this horrible feeling inside of himself. He stumbled into his room and plopped down face first onto the giant make-shift pile. The gross stench of the pile's mixed smells and comforted Karkat. 

"What did I just do?" Karkat asked himself, sighing. He was regretting everything he just said. He regretted mocking the addiction Rose had. He regretted screaming at Kanaya for taking time to spend with her matesprit, it was her first real flush crush after all. He regretted screaming at Terezi and basically blaming her for his little quarrels with Dave. He regretted screaming at Gamzee about his bitter feelings over their dead moirallegiance. 

It's no wonder they never wanted to spend time with Karkat. He was awful. He felt awful. He just wanted to go back and cry and beg for forgiveness but he couldn't. They probably hated him. Karkat sure hated himself at the moment, more so than usual. 


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm such an idiot..." Karkat mumbled as he stood up and walked to the transportalizer, clutching his wounded hand. He went through the string of machines again before landing in the lab and strolling into the common room. It was dark and empty. "Everyone must be asleep." This was just fine, it just gave him more time to push off the awkward confrontation.

Karkat dug around the drawers of the desks until he found a roll of bandages. They kept those there because Gamzee would always end up accidentally injuring himself and the common room was the very core of those accidental injuries. Karkat wrapped the bandage around his knuckles and tightened them, making sure absolutely no blood would seep through. When he finished he decided he might as well take it just incase any more incidents like this happen so he shoved the bandages in his pocket.

Karkat took advantage of his time alone and strolled into the nutritionblock. They must've restocked because the fridge was fuller than the last time he came around. He examined the thermal hull's contents and decided on taking some grubsteak, tuber paste(mashed potatoes), what looked like brownies but with Karkat's luck it could be a rotten fruit. He poked around in the cabinets and grabbed several boxes of cookies.

Karkat put his food away and was about to close the cabinet when he noticed something. It was Rose's stash of alcohol. Karkat contemplated this for a moment and finally shrugged. It couldn't be that bad right? If it were bad she wouldn't be drinking it. He took a bottle down and opened it up. He pressed the glass bottle against his lips and took a sip. The taste was horrible, Karkat made a disgusted face when he swallowed down the sip he had in his mouth. The after taste on the other hand wasn't so bad. He took another sip and the taste was better this time.

Karkat was starting to really enjoy this. He took a few bottles from the cabinet and captchalogued them, keeping the already open bottle in hand. He took another gulp of the poison drink and slowly walked out to the common room. The alcohol was already working its cursed magic and starting to affect Karkat's thinkpan. For some reason the alcohol reminded the troll of slime. Not in texture or color or any of that nonsense, but for what it did to Gamzee. It was starting to make Karkat feel...unnaturally calm. He felt as if he could do anything and never get hurt. He still felt sad, he still felt guilty, he still felt angry, but all those negative emotions were being washed away by the silly little liquid in this bottle.

He took another gulp and the room began to spin.

He took another gulp and he began stumbling to an area unknown.

He took another gulp and started laughing. He hasn't laughed at all since...well...he can't remember.

Three gulps later and the bottle is dry as a bone but Karkat is still clutching onto it. He stumbles around the common room, unsure of where to go next. His thinkpan is fuzzy and not thinking properly and decided he should let his legs do the thinking. Is that how legs worked? He wasn't sure. All he was concerned about was the small shiny object in the corner of the room. He stumbled towards it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dave doesn't normally wake up in the middle of the night or day or whatever set time they agreed upon here, it was one huge cluster fuck of confusion on his part in all honesty, but he did this once. He figured he'd might as well grab one of the many boxes of cookies Rose alchemized for herself and plop back into the alchemized mattress.

Strolling in the darkness was weird, he wasn't going to lie. It ran shivers up his spine. He's fought monsters upon monsters before in that shitty game, but there was one monster he would never escape from, even if he was already dead and done with.

The Knight of Time shook his head and tried to shake those thoughts away. Nothing to worry about now right? He was a near galaxy away from his planet. He had become _immortal_ , he had a girlfriend and everything was going....okay? Yeah, it was going okay. Everything was fine. Everything except the fact that she was "hate dating" the murder happy clown behind his back. Other than that everything was just going _dandy._

The stench of alcohol his nostrils and he wrinkled his nose. Had Rose really woken up this late just for a drink? Well, whatever. He was just going to grab something and go, he didn't want to interrupt her binge-drinking session. Not after last time when she made a huge confession on how she was so involved with the grey troll romance between Terezi and Clown guy. Not again.

Dave was instead greeted by the sight of Karkat sitting upside down in one of the chairs, fondling a bicycle horn. A couple of Rose's alcohol bottles sat empty on the table top. Dave was surprised to find this. He hasn't seen the grumpy troll since his little breakdown the other day. He was stupefied to see the troll currently intoxicated.

Karkat mumbled something and laughed rather loudly. Dave raised an eyebrow.

He slowly walked over to the drunken cancer troll and stood by the laughing troll, completely baffled. Karkat noticed dave and rolled himself out the chair, falling to the ground with a thud and a giggle. He quickly sat up, his eyes half lidded and his breath reeking of the intoxicated beverage he had consumed.

"Dafe...Dae...Dafe! You are jus in time for the...the party, dude!" Karkat exclaimed, a grin plastered on his face. Dave nodded slowly and Karkat happily gave the horn a little squeeze, a honk escaping it.

"Party...?" Karkat nodded in excitement.

"Yeaaahhh! Part...party! Shit's gonna be fuckin' bitchtits...s'gonna have...s'gonna have lotsa fun shit an...all a my friends are gonna be there...like...like...fuck....sweaty dude and...spider eye...and....robot chick....and...metal legs....and bee boy...and fish cape...and cat girl...and princess fish...and scary chainsaw lady...and blind chick...and...and honk friend and everyone else!" Karkat smiled drunkenly up at Dave.

"Right..." Dave sighed and Karkat honked the horn again, giggling. He didn't know what to do in this situation in all honesty. There wasn't a guidebook on what to do when there's a drunken troll inviting you to a party with all his dead friends. "Come on dude...let's uh...let's get you to your room." Karkat nodded and stumbled over to the door. He didn't make it far before falling to the ground, landing on his side.

Dave sighed and helped Karkat up, slinging an arm over his shoulder and supporting his weight. The cancer troll reached for the bottles but Dave shook his head and began walking out the common room, dragging Karkat with him. The Knight of Time dragged him over to Karkat's room but Karkat hissed at the door.

"S'not my res...respi...s'not my blog..." Karkat mumbled and walked in the direction of the computer lab. "S'this way....s'where my friend-o's at." Karkat stumbled down to the ground and dragged Dave with him. This was going to be more difficult than expected.

The Knight of Time gingerly picked up the troll in a bridal style hold and floated an inch in the air. Karkat giggled and honked the horn. Karkat gave him a string of slurred directions to his "actual room" and Dave only hoped that Karkat wouldn't throw up on him.

A few minutes of drunken giggling and happy honking and slurred words of friends and Dave made it to the final transportalizer. Karkat rolled out of Dave's arms and pulled out the palmhusk and quickly typed something before pulling Dave onto the transportalizer.

Dave stumbled off the platform and Karkat literally fell off. The cancer troll curled up on the ground and honked the horn again. The human glanced up and saw a door open just a crack, light spilling out. He assumed that was the room Karkat was babbling about and picked the troll up again, floating him over to the open room.

The gross mixture of smells hit Dave's nose first. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and looked around, taking in the weird blend of different colors and styles. His eyes landed on the giant pile of clothes and floated over to it.

"This...s'where my....my freds...s'where me an my freds hang out." The drunk troll rolled out of Dave's arms again and onto the pile. It was gross to Dave, honestly. All these different smells, sweet and elegant with what reminded Dave of a gym, were starting to give him a little headache. Karkat on the other hand seemed to be soothing him. The troll pulled a purple cape over himself and snuggled up.

"My friends....freds are...are here...and i mist them...mist them because...i messed up...but my friends are here...always here..." Karkat's eyes were drooping and he gave the horn one final honk before he began nodding off.

"M'sorry I messed up..."


	3. Chapter 3

"Fuck..." Karkat mumbled as his eyes fluttered open. A hand slid over to his head and he winced. His head was pounding. It felt like a bat was smashing against his skull from the inside. He groaned and curled up, hoping the headache would go away.

"Is that the first thing you say every morning when you wake up or is today special?" Karkat eyes opened again and they tore across the room, looking for the source of the voice. He didn't have to look for though, Dave Strider was sitting right next to him. Dave was sitting next to him, in _his_ sacred room. Karkat felt violated. Someone else was in there. That was _his_ special room. He tried to form a string of perfectly used curse words but another pang of pain pounded against his skull and he groaned.

"You should probably get that headache taken care of, dude." Karkat nodded slightly and groaned again. His eyes searched the floor for a small yellow container. Within a minute he found it and pointed at it. Dave nodded and walked over, scooping the container up, walked back, and handed it to Karkat. Karkat fought the lid off and two small red and blue pills dropped on his hand. He popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed. They near instantly melted in his mouth, tasting of honey, and a moment later the headache vanished. These migraine pills were Sollux's, he would use them to kill his migraines twofold.

"So, are we just going to beat around the bush or what?" Dave asked, flopping back down on the gross pile. Karkat raised an eyebrow.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Well, we could either bring up how you had a mental breakdown like a twelve year old girl at her favourite boy band concert or how you got drunker than a middle aged mom at a wedding?"

"Dave, I understood _half_ those words." Karkat said, easing back in the pile. His hand groped around for the cape he was using and pulled it over himself. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to relax. Dave rolled his eyes and sat up a bit.

"Dude, last week, mental breakdown. You screeched your little lungs out then burst into tears. Then last night I wake up for a midnight snack and lo-and-behold, I find a drunk troll fondling a fucking bicycle horn. Doesn't this ring a few bells?" It did actually. Fuzzy memories began appearing in his thinkpan and he groaned. He was embarrassed, beyond embarrassed. Dave had seen him go apeshit bananas the other day and now he had seen him lose all common sense and allow himself to get intoxicated over a silly little human beverage. Dammit Karkat.

"Yeah, the bells have been rung and destroyed for the remembrance. Thanks for the vague reminder that I fucked up on every level possible. Now if you'll excuse me I have some shit I need to do." The cancer troll stood up and took in a sharp breath, he still tasted the alcohol and it left a bitter taste. "So just leave okay? I'd rather just forget the last week happened. I'm going to stay holed up in my little room and you may or may not see me in a week when I come out for food."

"Listen Karkat" Dave started but he was cut off when Karkat pulled the Knight of Blood onto his feet and began pushing him towards the door. Dave merely side-stepped and left Karkat pushing nothing but air. "Listen, I'm not good at any of the whole....well anything really. But dude, I don't think it's very healthy for you to be locked up in some secluded area of this rock. Kanaya's been looking literally everywhere for you. No wonder she couldn't find you, you have a fucking password system and everything!" Karkat chewed his lower lip and averted his gaze. Was Kanaya really worried?

"You didn't happen to see the password...right?"

"No, but that isn't the point. The point it--"

"The point is that I don't feel like talking. I just got stinking drunk and I had had a mental fucking breakdown in front of all you assholes. I just want to put that all behind me for now and just...as surprising as it may sound I just want to be alone for now. Let me wallow in my own filth." Karkat stated and pushed Dave out the door, slamming it shut and locking it.

Dave stood there outside the door for a moment, quiet and defeated. After a minute, he sighed and made his way back up to his own room, giving Karkat what he wanted and leaving him alone.

On the other side, Karkat was sitting on the pile, knees tucked into his chest and chin resting on his knees. He had just pushed away the one person that had spoke to him in the past...Karkat couldn't remember how long it's been actually. He let out a shaky sigh and red tears welled up in his eyes.

'Maybe I'm just destined to be this lonely?' Karkat thought to himself. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. No, he wasn't destined for this lonely life. He had thought this before. He thought this oh so long ago. Back when he was on Alternia. Back when he was scared of an early. When he knew he couldn't live like a normal troll because of his freaky blood color.

Then Gamzee entered his life.

But Gamzee wasn't here anymore. Karkat was a big troll and so was Gamzee. They didn't need each other anymore. They could take care of themselves. But it was difficult trying to forget all those times he spent with the clown. It would be hard to forget all those times he spent trying to desperately not fall into the chasm of pale feelings.

But maybe he didn't have to forget.


	4. Chapter 2

_'These fucking ghosts again...' Karkat mumbled as he shoved past another gaggle of ghosts. They were really starting to annoy him, they were all just bunching up in little groups and standing in random areas. It was annoying._

_'Karkat!' Someone called out behind him, he couldn't make out the voice. It got drowned out by the sounds of bickering between a mixture of Feferi's, Sollux's, and Eridans. The sleeping cancer troll sighed heavily and turned around to come face to face with a dead Kanaya. Instead of her usual black shirt and red skirt, this Kanaya wore her black Sylph of Space outfit._

_'Hey Kanaya...' Karkat mumbled as the Virgo troll wrapped her arms around him and gave Karkat a hug. He slowly wrapped his arms around her in return. He had to admit, it was nice hugging Kanaya again even if it wasn't technically his Kanaya._

_His hold on his motherly friend tightened and soon enough, Karkat broke down on her as well. Sobbing on her shoulder, he stuttered out a string of unintelligible words. The deceased Virgo had no idea what this was all about so she simply let her instincts take over and soothed him._

_She rubbed small circles into his back and mumbled sweet nothings into his ear as Karkat continued his sob like rant. The Jade blood couldn't understand anything but she nodded and mumbled "i know" as he continued speaking. Sure these actions were more pale towards Karkat than she was used to but he was her good friend and she wasn't about to set him aside like last years dress. A moment more of comforting and sobbing words and Karkat had calmed down. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was stained in bright red tears._

_Kanaya pulled away from the hug but kept her grip on his shoulders, just incase. She wiped his tears away with her sleeve and pressed a small kiss to the cancer troll's forehead, a Jade coloured lipstick mark left behind. She smiled warmly at her sad friend and he smiled a sad smile back._

_"Karkat, dear, tell me what's gotten you in such a depressed state. Perhaps you and I could wander into an uninhabited dream bubble and settle onto a pile and discuss these feelings of yours?" She offered and this brought a genuine smile to the sad trolls face. He nodded and opened his mouth to explain his situation but before he could even utter a word, Karkat was ripped out the dream bubble and thrown back into the horrors of reality._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karkat was restless. Sneaking out to steal a bottle of wine from Rose's liquor cabinet had become a habit now. What had also become a habit was the fact that _Dave_ was always the one coming out and finding him wasted. It was like clockwork. Karkat would sneak out, have a drink or two, end up fondling a horn, Dave walks out and finds his troll friend wasted and he takes him back to his special respiteblock. It was the same process every night.

But not tonight.

Karkat snuck out as usual, tiptoeing out into the halls and hopping onto transportalizers. He had a plan for tonight. He wouldn't have Dave walking in on his drunken shenanigans this time. He appearified into the computer lab and quietly made his way into the common room. Ever since his conversation with the dead Kanaya, he hasn't been able to get any rest for some odd reason. He's just been sitting around waiting for the time to roll by so he could creep out and steal some alcohol.

It's not like he had a problem with alcohol, right? He only drank at least two bottles a day. And he needed it to be able to fall asleep. And he didn't think he could go one night without a single sip of that distasteful concoction...okay _maybe_ he had a problem. But Karkat was sure he had it under control, it wasn't like he was drinking it on the hour every hour.

The cancer troll stealthily walked into the nutritionblock and reached up to open the cabinet that held his poisonous addiction. He opened up the cabinet and groped around the cabinet but nothing was there. What the hell had happened? Had Dave finally moved Rose's alcohol to another place? Or was it the Seer of Light herself that had noticed the missing bottles and relocated the wine bottles herself. Karkat didn't know and he really didn't care at the moment. He needed that wine.

The cancer troll let out a heavy sigh and looked about the nutritionblock, looking for a chair. Just his luck, the one room that was supposed to hold chairs had none. Karkat groaned and stomped out into the common room and yanked a chair away from it's spot near a table. He was acting like a wiggler but he didn't care. He was all alone, he could act as young as he wanted to. He placed the chair near the cabinet and slowly climbed on, being careful enough to not fall down.

Karkat peered into the cabinet and found something astonishing. There was no wine there. All the glass bottles of the alcohol were replaced by plastic bottles of multicolored Faygo. Yes, _Faygo_. Karkat was confused. Why was there Faygo there? Oh look, a note was folded in half and taped onto the red pop flavoured soda. Karkat slowly took the note and read the front. In Gamzee's messy chicken scrawl handwriting was Karkat's name printed on the front.

Had Gamzee done this? Well with this it was kind of obvious, no one else could perfectly master the _"I taught myself how to write"_ writing style that Gamzee had adopted. But the question was: _Why_ had Gamzee done this? How had Gamzee known about...all of this? Did Dave tell him? He didn't know, all these questions and accusations began popping in Karkat's mind and he couldn't tell which questions were okay or which were just plane out crazy. The only way to really find out was to open up the note and read the inside. And Karkat did. With his blood pumper working at double time, he slowly opened up the note and read the one thing that was written inside:

_**"(o:"** ___


	5. Chapter 5

Karkat's vision blurred and then cleared. He had no idea what was going on but he couldn't really think straight. His head spun and stumbled about. Where was he going? He didn't know. His feet were taking him anywhere since his thinkpan didn't seem to properly work. Karkat was really regretting that fourth bottle of wine now.

The intoxicated troll reached a door and he went to knock but ended up falling face first against it. Shuffling was heard from the other side of the door and Karkat curled up in pain. He groaned and groped the floor beside him, looking for the horn he usually managed to grab when he was drunk off his grey ass.

"Karkat?" Dave asked groggily. The troll glanced up, his hand still searching the floor by him. "Dude, you couldn't wait until our scheduled meet up?" Karkat whimpered and tried to pull himself up but he fell back on the ground. Dave sighed and helped him up, pulling him inside of his room. The troll wrapped his arms around himself and looked down. The human frowned and instantly felt guilty. "Dude...?" Karkat merely sniffled in response. "Karkat, what's wrong...?"

"The...horn..." Karkat sniffled. Horn? What horn? Dave snapped his fingers in realisation. Karkat didn't have the little horn he always carried around whilst drunk with him. But why was he crying about it? "N-Need...my hooooorn..."

"You don't really need the horn, Karkat." Dave argued but that only caused a small stream of red tears to flow down his cheeks. Karkat's lower lip quivered in a manner that would melt the heart of Lord English if he saw it. Dave sighed and stood up. "Alright alright. Fine. Just wait here...take a nap or some shit, okay?" Karkat whimpered but obliged.

The small cancer troll curled up in the mess of tangled blankets and lazily arranged pillows and almost instantly fell asleep. It was different than what he was accustomed to, Karkat would always pass out in gross pile and the varying items in said pile made sleep kind of difficult and very uncomfortable. This was nice though. The warmth of Dave's blankets mingling with the permanent smell of apples and a faint hint of axe body spray lulled Karkat to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wake up, mini motherfucker." What? No. Karkat didn't want to wake up. He wanted to continue sleeping and wallow in the stew of his own despair. "Wake up." No. He didn't want to and he wasn't planning on waking up anytime soon.

Karkat shivered as he felt a pair of semi-cold hands grasp his shoulders and shake him gently. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned in annoyance. His vision was still blurry and his eyes burned. He blinked several times and could make out the faint outline of...Gamzee? No, that couldn't have of been Gamzee. He was just imagining this, right?

"Mornin' motherfucker." Wait a minute...was it really? Karkat rubbed his eyes furiously but when his vision cleared up, there was no one in sight. The cancer troll's shoulders slumped and he pulled his eyes up to his chest. It was just a figment of his imagination. Of course Gamzee wouldn't have of randomly popped up in his...wait...this wasn't his room. This was Dave's.

"Fuck..." Karkat hissed in pain and shut his eyes, his hangover just hit him. His hand instantly went up to the side of his head and gently massaged his temple. God, the hangover's got worse each time. The door opened and the loud creaking only worsened his headache. He gripped the blanket underneath him as someone sat down beside him.

"Sorry man. Here, these'll help." Karkat opened his eyes slowly to see Dave offering him a yellow container. Karkat snatched it out of Dave's hand and dropped two pills into his open palm. He gulped down the pills and almost instantly the pounding in his head melted away. Karkat sighed in relief and eased back into the mess of pillows behind him. "Better?"

"Much better..." Karkat sighed out and pulled a pillow from behind himself and hugged it to his chest. He closed his eyes and felt Dave's weight on the bed shift around a little. Karkat felt Dave grab his hand and put something cold in it. He opened an eye and saw a bicycle horn.

"When you were drunk off your ass you were practically bawling your eyes out for this thing. Took me a couple hours and a lot of brain usage but I dug this bitch up. You're welcome." Karkat just stared at the horn. He didn't know what he was feeling, it was a wave of emotions washing over him. Was he sad? Grateful? Upset? He didn't know. Karkat mumbled a little thanks and gave the horn a small honk. Dave frowned slightly and sat back on his bed, crossing his legs.

"Karkat?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"We need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

Karkat spent the better part of his time in Dave's room arguing with the Knight of Time about whether or not he should talk about his feelings. Dave argued that it wasn't healthy that Karkat continued drinking and just let his problems continue bubbling up in the tightly sealed bottle he had. Karkat agreed but he argued that didn't need to, he wasn't "the talking type".

The two sat there, in silence. Karkat was hugging the pillow to his chest and Dave was just sitting there, staring down at the ground. Karkat wanted to talk, he wanted to talk about everything. He needed to talk, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it for some reason. He couldn't do it when that was the thing he needed the most.

The cancer troll glanced up at Dave who was surprisingly staring back at him. Karkat shifted a bit and crossed his legs, sighing. "Alright, I'll talk." He mumbled, his face buried in the pillow. Dave grinned and moved himself so he was completely facing Karkat.

"Finally. Now let's have one of those...feels jams or whatever the shit they're called. Have your feelings pick up little instruments and all that shit, have a fucking feelings concert." Dave commented, hoping his little remark got some sort of grin from the grumpy troll. And it did, Karkat's mouth twitched upward for half a second, and that's all Dave wanted.

"Yeah...well...where the fuck should I start...?"

"Well, I'm not any Rose but I'd say...I don't know, start at the very beginning I guess?" Karkat nodded and sat there in silence for a second, trying to figure out a proper way to start. This was alien to him, honestly. Karkat was the troll who listen to other people's feelings and help _them_ out. It was weird for himself to be the one in the hotseat. He didn't even get a chance to talk about his feelings during his brief pale relationship with Gamzee.

"I guess...this whole cluster fuck of a mess that is myself began all that time ago, back on Alternia." Karkat started and Dave nodded. He was genuinely curious about Karkat's life before all this bullfuckery of a game so in a way he was killing two birds with one stone. "Back then, I wasn't exactly the most welcome troll on the block."

"Me being a mutant, I had more of a constant death threat than others. Because of that shitty threat and constant fear I couldn't really do anything normal trolls my age did. For one, I learned how to slash at shit before I could properly talk. Two, I was constantly hiding in my "special space" whenever drones came near my hive. I had to wait out their sick prowling, waiting until crabdad came." Karkat's eyes looked more glazed over now as he retold his tale. "Crabdad was one of those special kind of lusii. It's weird, honestly. He was stronger than the drones and was able to crush them the way we crush a soda can."

"Anyway, I was basically on the run all my life. I had to constantly keep my sickle within arms reach just in case. I was lonely as fuck...then, I heard that some yellow blood that I would soon come to know and have mixed feelings about created some sort of chat application. So of course, me being the lonely fuck that I was, i quickly created an account. Three perigees. Three perigees until I got a message. And lo and behold the message was from our favourite psychopath. Gamzee."

"He and I were a hell of a lot different back then. For one he wasn't doing slime so he was a lot calmer than now, none of that murder shit. And I was a lot shyer back then, I didn't know how to properly speak to another troll. But...for some reason...the words just came out flowing...it felt so natural to talk to Gamzee. I felt at ease. It was...like...like the some sort of weird as fuck fate. He and I would talk for hours and hours on end...it was...it was fucking amazing to have at least _one_ person I could talk to. _One_ person that actually made me feel like a normal troll. Then...around the age of a three and a half sweeps....I...may or may not have of made an attempt on my life and Gamzee...Gamzee being an amazing fucking troll thought it be best that he makes the trip of what must've been miles over to my hive, alone, so he could comfort me." Karkat smiled slightly as he reminisced about his previous times with Gamzee. Dave was surprised honestly, he never knew that Gamzee and Karkat had such a....solid connection. It was fascinating, Gamzee had risked his own life to comfort his friend.

"That's...That's all I can say for now." The cancer troll sighed and shook his head, pulling himself to his feet. "Maybe the next time I get drunk off my ass and end up sobbing like fucking Eridan I'll open up more, or maybe not." Karkat shrugged and set the pillow back down on Dave's bed. The Knight of Time nodded, he understood. Hey, at least he got the usually holed up troll to open up, even if it was a bit. This was good for Karkat.

"Yeah, I get it dude. Until next time..." Karkat nodded and walked towards the door but before he could go out, Dave stopped him. "You know...you don't have to be drunk as fuck to feel like you need to talk to me." Dave mumbled, hoping that maybe this would make it more comfortable for the troll to talk. Karkat only nodded and walked out the room.

"Yeah, thanks Dave." He called out, walking down the hall. "Until next time."


	7. Chapter 7

It was dark and Karkat was desperately trying to fall asleep in his pile. It's been a week since his mini-feelings jam with Dave. It's also been a week since he's had any of Rose's alcohol. He's gone to the cabinet each night but each time he went he found the same thing. All bottles of booze were replaced with bottles of Faygo and a note with that same smiling clown face attached.

Karkat sighed and rolled out of his pile and stood up. It was obvious he wasn't going to get any sleep. He wrapped the sea water smelling cape around himself and walked out his sacred respiteblock.

He made the trip through the string of transportalizers and into the computer lab. He didn't immediately go into Dave's room, he lingered in the lab. His eyes wandered over the rows of computers until finally they landed on one very special one. Sollux's Computer.

Karkat hopped off the platform and stepped over to his friend's computer. Karkat plopped himself down on the padded swivel chair and stared at the pitch black screen. A smile appeared on his face as he would remember how his friend would spend hours on the computer doing anything. He remembered hearing the taka-taka-taka of the keyboard echo through the hall and knowing Sollux wouldn't stand up from that chair for a good thirty hours. He remembered all the codes Sollux would send him. He remembered the code Sollux had told him specifically not to run. He remembered being the cause of Sollux's first death.

Suddenly red tears were streaming down his cheeks and he was sniffling. His tears continued at a slow stream down his cheeks as he pressed the power button on the computer in front of him. The screen turned on, a bright light flooding the room.

Sollux's zodiac sign appeared on the screen and the little box to enter his password appeared. Of course Karkat didn't know Sollux's password, Sollux never told anybody his password but this didn't stop the determined cancer to type in a random group of words. He tried two times to guess the gemini's password and both times they were wrong. Karkat gave up and stood, turning the computer off.

Karkat was still crying a bit, he missed his friend. He and Sollux were close and comfortable with each other, sometimes maybe they were a little too comfortable with one another. The two trolls were so comfortable with each other they could literally walk buck naked around each other and not bat an eye.

Karkat found himself walking towards Dave's room, he didn't even try to peek into the liquor cabinet, he knew there would be a little row of Faygos waiting for him. Karkat didn't even bother to knock on Dave's door, he just walked in. The Knight of Time was awake and sitting on his bed, it was like he knew he was coming, like he was already waiting for Karkat to come by.

Dave set down the an old Game Bro magazine he was reading and glanced over at Karkat. Karkat barely got the door to shut behind him when he broke down. The cancer troll stumbled over to the surprised human and sobbed out a string of barely telligable words. After a few minutes of awkward yet still comforting words, Karkat managed to calm down and talk normally. Dave let Karkat snuggled up in his heap of blankets and hug a pillow to his chest. When the troll was finally comfortable, he began talking.

This time, instead of ranting about Gamzee he ranted about Sollux. For hours Karkat spoke about his yellow blooded friend. He told Dave about how Sollux and he first met, how their friendship quickly blossomed. How Sollux was Karkat's first real flush crush, how he was his first real pitch crush and how he often also felt pale towards the bipolar troll. He described all his weird little coding competitions with the obviously superior coder of a troll. He described how Sollux and he spent hours on end trying to figure out what quadrant they were in, in Karkat's opinion they were the most difficult case of quadrant confusion in all of history.

Karkat described how he felt a pang of heartbreak when he found out that Sollux began dating Aradia and how he felt slightly selfish when he heard and felt a slight sliver of hope for himself when Sollux killed and ended his relationship with Aradia. He described how his quadrant confusion only grew throughout the sweeps of knowing this lispy fucking asshole. How he and Sollux were so close to each other that the could do anything together or tell anything at all to each other, no matter how weird, and not even bat an eye. Sure they would tease each other but at the end of the day, they were still great friends.

He told Dave how he had the worst break down in all of history when he accidentally killed Sollux. How he was about ready to off himself once again, but was very relieved to hear that his good bro was alive and still as snarky as ever. Karkat explained to Dave how he felt kind of jealous once more when he heard that Sollux had established some sort of relationship with Feferi. He was more jealous when he found out that the two had now idea what quadrant they were in. He felt betrayed in a way, Karkat was supposed to be the only troll Sollux was confused about. He described how he was panicking as he witnessed Eridan kill Kanaya and Feferi and knock out Sollux, how panicked he was when Gamzee went batshit insane and feared for Sollux. How he had dragged Sollux out of harm's way and accidentally knocked all his teeth out while putting his own life endanger.

Karkat told Dave how much he didn't want Sollux to leave him that day. How he was so close to begging Sollux to stay with him, he was about to throw himself at Sollux's feet and start bawling like a fucking grub. He told The Knight of Time how much he missed his gemini friend and how he hoped he was alive and well.

Karkat finished his rant and looked half dead. His eyes were puffy and his cheeks were stained with his red tears. Dave had sat there and listened to Karkat's rant about his yellow blooded best bro. The human rubbed his friend's shoulder and offered some words of comfort. Ensuring the sad cancer troll that if his friend had died twice and survived getting blasted with a ray of hope that he would survive out there with The Maid of Time. Karkat sniffled and nodded in agreement, the words actually helping him feel a bit better.

Before Dave could say another word, Karkat laid down on the Knight's bed and fell asleep. Dave didn't say anything and he made no effort in moving him, he understood. Karkat had just puked up his feelings for a solid three hours, of course he was going to be tired.

Dave pulled the blankets up to Karkat's chin and awkwardly patted his head. He pulled out some spare blankets from his closet and glanced up at Karkat who was sleeping rather peacefully. This made the human grin slightly. The Knight of Time snuggled into the blanket on the floor and set his shades besides him.

"Night Karkat..." Dave sighed out as he himself began drifting into a nice, peaceful sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dave? Are you awake yet?" Dave sighed out quietly as his eyes slowly fluttered open, Karkat was peeking down at the Strider. Dave just closed his eyes once more and turned to lay on his side, shaking his head.

"Nope. I'm still asleep, can't you tell?"Dave stated flatly. He could practically _hear_ Karkat rolling his eyes. The Knight of Time opened one of his eyes and glanced up at Karkat, who was still staring down at him. Dave sighed and propped himself up on his elbow, grabbing his shades and pushing them on face. "May I help you?"

"Nope. I've just been laying here, awake for a solid three hours. Bored out of my fucking mind." Dave let out a deep sighed and rubbed his eyes. He really did want to go back to sleep. "I was thinking and...we need to talk." Karkat mumbled, tugging a pillow underneath him.

"Oh no, are you breaking up with me?" Dave asked teasingly, a smile playing on his lips. Karkat simply rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, no. I just wanted to ask...why you're doing all of this shit...for me. You know, all the late night drunken feels jams, letting me pass out on your bed, letting me unload the cluster fuck of a mess that are my feelings on you. Why? I clearly remember you near hating me what with me always bugging you about Terezi. And basically me being an all around, award winning fuck nugget." Dave shrugged and sat up, pushing his hair back.

"I dunno...guess I can kind of relate to the shit you have going on? I mean, we hardly saw you. At first we, or more Kanaya and TZ, weren't worried. Kanaya said that you needed some time to adjust to all this or some shit. And that even before us humans made our very fashionable appearance to your humble little rock floating around in paradox space you spent more of your time on your planet. But like...since your little temper tantrum we all kind of starting getting a bit of worry. Even your ex-boyfriend started to get worried--"

"Ex-boyfriend? You mean ex- _moirail_."

"Same thing. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I feel what you're going through. I mean, from the shit you've told me so far you've lived a pretty...weird as fuck life honestly. And did you know you talk in your sleep? Because you do. And you've said some pretty freaky shit. But yeah, I get what you're going through with this whole loneliness deal. I was a pretty lonesome dude back before this game happened."

"Wanna talk about it?" Karkat asked, sitting upright. Dave shook his head.

"All there is to say on the matter for the time being is that even though my Bro was around, and I had my online friends, I was constantly lonely. I had no real life friends, my Bro was almost always out, the only ones that were there to "keep me company" were his creepy ass puppets." Dave felt a small shudder run up his spine at the memory of those puppets. He always hated the, but put up his puppet loving act for his Bro.

"Hey...maybe we can talk about your feelings for once instead of mine? You know, get the shit about your guardian off your chest. He sounds like an absolute asshole, If i ever got the wonderful offer to make the suggestion that he make an acrobatic pirouette off a fucking bridge leading down to some spiked rocks or some other horrible shit like that, I would gladly take such chance." Dave grinned slightly and shook his head.

"Wouldn't we all?" He stretched, his joints popping before letting out a long, content sigh. Karkat stood up as well, still holding the pillow to his chest. He felt like he had overstayed his welcome. Besides, he didn't need anyone getting any ideas.

"Yeah, well, I don't mean to cut this short but I'm gonna go back to my gloomy respiteblock. Maybe i'll stew in my own self hate some more before serving you up some fresh "Karkat hates himself" soup." Dave nodded, slightly relieved by this yet slightly hurt as well. Karkat handed the Knight of Time his pillow back before waving a small goodbye to him and exiting his room.

Walking down the halls, Karkat felt a slight smile tug on his lips. It was nice to finally have someone to dump all his feelings to. Though he did feel a bit bad about not giving Dave a chance to unload, he'd have to somehow convince him to open up.

As Karkat formulated a plan to get Dave to open up and spill his guts about his own feelings, his legs carried him down the string of transportalizers and down to the final one. Just as he was about to make his way towards the platform, he walked straight into none other than his former moirail.

Karkat landed flat on his rear with an "oof". He looked up to get a glimpse at what he bumped into and found the purple blooded troll, clad in a imitation Bard outfit. Karkat eyed the outfit in disgust, his eyes lingering on the protruding codpiece perhaps a second too long. A small bottle rolled to Karkat's feet, filled with a rich violet liquid. It kind of reminded him of Eridan. Gamzee quickly snatched the bottle up and put it out of Karkat's view.

"Gamzee what the fuck was--" Karkat started but the Bard of Rage crouched down, pressing a cool finger to Karkat's lips and shushing him. Karkat was taken aback by this action, but what Gamzee did next infuriated him. The capricorn troll had the _nerve_ to pap his cheek, offering him an innocent smile. The mutant blooded troll froze, what the fuck was Gamzee doing?

But, just as soon as he began papping Karkat, he stopped. Gamzee waved a small goodbye to the surprised cancer troll before lumbering down the hall, in the opposite direction of Karkat and leaving the stunned troll alone and confused.


	9. Chapter 9

Karkat didn't know what had urged him to drink so much but he did. It was a week since he last saw Dave and since then he even had a chance to unload all his feelings. He didn't even remember walking out of the comfort of his sacred respiteblock and out to the nutritionblock. All he remembered was gulping down drink after drink of that bittersweet booze.

Karkat didn't remember stumbling his way to Dave's room, but he did. He didn't remember crawling onto Dave's bed and curling up but he did. The once sleeping human woke up, startled at the feeling of another weight on his bed. It wasn't Terezi, she didn't do this anymore. The two had become too distant to even hold hands anymore. The smell of alcohol wafted over to Dave's nose and he instantly knew who it was.

"Karkat..." Dave sighed out as he turned around to face the drunken troll. Karkat was clutching a bottle of booze in his hands and he looked up at him, a drunken smile plastered on his face. Dave sighed and hopped off his bed, going to turn on the light. Karkat took another gulp of his drink. "Dude, come on, give me that." Dave said, reaching for the bottle in Karkat's clenched hands. The intoxicated cancer troll shook his head and hugged the bottle to his chest.

"Look at me..." Karkat whispered, his head hung low. Dave made a confused noise, an eyebrow raising.

"I am looking at you dude." Dave mumbled, making a grab for the bottle once more. This time Karkat didn't pull it away from Dave. Dave almost instantly snatched the bottle away from his drunk friend and set it far away from him.

"No...just...look ab me...look ab what I became..." Karkat mumbled, staring down at his hands. "I failed...I fludged up...i killed them...I killed my friends." Karkat sniffled, a red tear streaming down his cheek. "Goodbye my friends..." Dave sighed and shifted himself, sitting at a more comfortable position before setting his hands firmly on Karkat's shoulders.

"Dude, no. Stop that drunk train of thought. Back that bitch up back in the station. Make all the passengers get off. Refund their tickets. You didn't "fludge" up. You didn't kill them."

"No...I did...when...Eridamn...and...and Sullux...when they fought..an when Eridamn..killed...I did nothin...i stood there...an they died...an when..when Gamshee...when Gamshee went bad...i sent sweaty dude after him...an he died..an nep died to and i...i messed up an I...I killed them...an I ran the...the code and...and our lushii...they died and...and I failed as...as leader.." Karkat was hiccuping now, tears flowing down his cheeks at a steady pace. Dave chewed his lip, he really didn't know how to respond to all this.

"Uh...well...put it this way...Clown dude was meant to snap anyway...now one can stay as mellow as he was...and I'm sure those two other guys fought and Eridan killed those other people..I'm sure they don't blame you."

"S'my fault...shoulda stopped being a weenie...don't like fighting but...I shoulda gotten over it..."

"No...No dude that's fine. I hate fighting too. Like i seriously hate it. I can't stand the sound of metal clashing together and I could pass out at the sight of blood. My Bro...he kind of ruined all fighting for me. Which is a good thing, i guess? I mean, wanting to fight..all the bloodshed and...injuries and...death...who would want that right?" Dave shrugged, not really understanding what he just said, but this weird rambling made Karkat feel slightly better.

The cancer troll nodded slowly, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. Dave sighed in relief and pulled his hands away from Karkat. He was glad he could ease his intoxicated mind. The cancer troll's thinkpan still swam from all the booze he drank, millions of thoughts popping up in his mind, but he kept quiet.

"Dave..." Karkat finally mumbled, glancing over at the Strider. "Can you heal my hurts?" Dave raised an eyebrow, confused. "before i came here...i fells in..fells in the glass of broken bottles...and now...it hurts..." Dave sighed and nodded and got up to grab the roll of bandages.

"Where?" Dave asked and Karkat pointed to his upper right arm. Dave gently patted the spot, feeling that his sweater was moist. His blood must've soaked through the material. Dave started to feel woozy just at the thought of blood, but he pushed all that aside. If he didn't see it, he wouldn't believe it was there, right? RIght. The Knight of Time took a shaky breath before helping the cancer troll tug his sweater off.

The bandaging was rather quick, he quickly wrapped the bandaging around the wounded area tightly and got it over with. Simple. And Dave didn't pass out. He tossed the bandaging back onto his desk and Karkat made an attempt to pull his sweater back on. Dave watched as Karkat struggled with his turtleneck until he finally gave up, dropping the garb onto the floor beside the bed.

"Karkat, you know I could've helped you out with that."

"S'too late. Sweater's gone."

"Sweater's on the floor."

"I sleep now."

"Wait, what?" Before Dave could get an answer Karkat had flopped down on the bed, snuggled up against the pillows, and shut his eyes. Dave sighed and glanced at the tired troll in his bed. Looks like he'd be sleeping on the floor yet again. The Knight of Time crawled off his bed and onto the floor, snatching a pillow free of Karkat's grasp and shoving it underneath his head. It didn't take long for Karkat's purr sounding snores to lull the Strider to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dave?" Dave groaned and turned over, something was grasping onto his wrist but he didn't care. He just wanted more sleep. "Dave, what on Alternia are you doing?" Shit, that didn't sound like Karkat. He quickly sat up, the iron tight grip on his wrist didn't falter. Dave glanced over at Kanaya, who was peeking into his room, a puzzled expression on her face. Then Dave glanced over at Karkat, he had managed to turn himself in his sleep so he was now facing Dave. He had an iron tight grip on his wrist, still very much asleep. The human sucked in a sharp breath, his troll friend still didn't have his sweater on, his bare chest exposed. This probably didn't look good.

"Okay, Kanaya, give me a sec and I'll explain everything." Dave stammered out as he struggled to pry Karkat's hand off of him. The Jade blood slowly stepped into his room, shutting the door behind her and pressing her back against it.

"You aren't...cheating on Terezi, are you?" She asked slowly, her eyes on the shirtless cancer troll. "You aren't cheating on Terezi with...Karkat are you?"

"What? No." The human stated, finally getting the grey hand to let go of his wrist. "I can't say the same thing about her though..." he mumbled, pushing Karkat more onto the bed and standing up. "He just...passed out in here. That's all."

"With...his shirt off?"

"Long, irrelevant, story. Just...don't tell anyone, okay? I know this probably looks all kinds of weird but trust me, none of what you're thinking is right." He hoped Kanaya would agree to, though he understood if she didn't. This scene practically screamed _"I'm cheating on Terezi!"_ Thankfully, Kanaya slowly nodded in agreement, a sigh of relief escaping the human. "Thank you, thank you, _thank you._ "

"You're welcome...I suppose...but everyone is waiting for you in the nutritionblock..." Shit. The Strider glanced over at his still sleeping friend and back at the rainbow drinker.

"Okay...do me a favour and get everyone out the nutrition block and away from the lab. Show them...I don't know...fuck...shove them in your room and show them your latest dress design."

"But why shou--"

"Literally no time to explain that, just do it please. Thanks." Dave said, picking up the cancer turtleneck off the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. Kanaya shut her mouth, chewing the inside of her cheek before nodding and hurrying off to show the others to her room.

The human spent a good five minutes waiting, Karkat still asleep but now in his arms, before he floated down the hall and to the lab. Kanaya had delivered. The halls were silent except for the muffled conversation behind Kanaya's door.

Dave sighed in relief, adjusting Karkat in his arms before he began to carry Karkat back to his own room.


	10. Chapter 10

"I don't know..." Karkat said as he swallowed down two pills for his major headache. "I just...I don't know why...I just feel better I'm off staying in the same room filled with the objects of my friends. I look outside and see a whole meteor with trolls and humans better off without me in their trying to be a part of their lives." Karkat shrugged, hopefully answering Dave's previous question, "why do you always lock yourself up in this room?".

"But...you don't know that dude. Maybe if you actually ventured out of your cave every once in awhile you'd see that shit is pretty boring and that it might be better off with you out there." Karkat shook his head and rolled over in his gross pile. Dave sighed and stood up before walking over and plopping down in Karkat's eyesight. "You could at least try to go out there...I'm always bored out of my fucking mind. I have next to no inspiration for any new raps and it hasn't really been much fun with drunk Rose and all."

"You have Terezi."

"Not exactly." This caught Karkat's attention. He propped himself up on his elbows and raised an eyebrow at the statement.

"What do you mean "not exactly."? Did you and she break up?" Dave shook his head and sighed, easing into the gross, yet somewhat comforting pile.

"No, but I have a sneaking suspicion of some bullfuckery going on behind my back...idk man, it's probably just me being a paranoid shit. I mean, I've never exactly had a girlfriend before. I mean...there was Jade but that lasted two days. And I wouldn't exactly count that as a real relationship." Dave sighed again and ran his hand through his hair as Karkat nodded along, listening to all Dave had to say.

"Have you ever had relationship troubles like this?" The Knight of Time questioned the cancer troll beside him. Karkat paused for a moment, thinking his answer through before shrugging.

"Not really I guess?" Karkat mumbled, shrugging as well. "I mean...I "dated" Sollux for a while...but that dating was more leaning towards quadrant vacillation than one solid quadrant so we stopped that...and Eridan and I had some pale flings every once in awhile...and Gamzee...you know how it went with Gamzee." Dave nodded and they sat there in silence for a second before Karkat spoke up once more. "Terezi and I dated too...briefly in the game. But of course I ruined that with my own tendencies to flip from red to black on her." Karkat said, staring up at the ceiling.

The two just sat there in silence once more, thinking about past relationships and current ones and what they could do or could've done to fix the mess of relationships. It was stressing for both of them, more Dave at this point with his current suspicions of Terezi cheating on him and all that. Karkat was just stressing himself out over what he could've done to keep the relationships he's had in the past. They could've spoke more of this, of their relationships and what they did wrong, but silence was just as good. They laid there for hours, not speaking and just lost in their thoughts. Finally, Karkat broke the silence.

"Dave...we've been talking and shit about my problems and feelings and shit. I want to return the favour. So...talk...about your feelings and problems and all that."

"Dude, I don't think you're prepped well enough for the massive shit that is my feelings." Dave mumbled turning to face the troll beside him. "But...I guess if you insist, I will unload some of my feelings on you." Karkat grinned, surprised at how easy it was to get Dave to open up. "I guess I should start off with my personal life, the one I had in the past. I had...no one. Literally. No friends, none. No real friends at least, I had my online friends but that was it. I didn't go to school and I barely left my apartment, so no one really knew me."

"I had a couple social media accounts, you know. Twitter and shit...wait, you don't know what Twitter is. Okay so it's basically like this app that you can write random shit and it would let others see and they could "retweet" or "favourite" and shit. Anyway, I also made this comic...Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. It was originally gonna be a way for me to kind of...rant out about my shitty home life but then...then my Bro he uh...he kind of started following the blog I published the comic on and...I couldn't do it any more. He also then started to....find my other social media accounts and...I just...he kind of made it known that he was always watching me, whether it be online with following me or...in real life with the puppet cams and...yeah..." Dave's sentence kind of faltered towards the end and his gaze wandered up towards the ceiling. Karkat raised an eyebrow, sensing some issues with Dave and his Bro, so he decided to ask about it.

"What was your Bro like?" Karkat questioned, scooting closer to the human ever so slightly. Dave stayed there, quiet. He didn't really want to dig up past memories on his Bro that he desperately tried to shove down to the point where they wouldn't resurface. But they were. He could just picture all of it. The Strifing, the surprise attacks, the webcams, the puppets and swords. No food in the fridge, his Bro stalking him online and making it known. Dave took a shaky breath and shook his head, standing up. This was too much.

"Sorry dude, shit just got a bit too real for me..." Dave mumbled as he pushed the door to Karkat's sacred room open and stepped out, leaving Karkat alone.


	11. Chapter 11

"Come on brother, you're drunk not paralyzed." Gamzee grunted as he hefted an intoxicated cancer troll down a flight of stairs. It was like Karkat's legs turned to lead, just bumping each step down with a thud. It was an interesting situation really. Gamzee was the one to see Karkat in his drunken glory this time. It was pathetic seeing the mutant who led the group of homicidal teenagers through a challenging game barely be able to stand up straight.

"Nooooo butchu know who _is_ pair of eyesd?" Karkat mumbled, he was so drunk he couldn't even speak properly. Gamzee rolled his eyes, already knowing the answer but he humoured the intoxicated troll and asked who. "Tavros....BUT! He had those shiny robo legs." Karkat giggled as he remembered Tavros being as giddy as a wiggler on twelfth perigees eve when he got his shiny pair of working legs. "Buut, now he's gone...dead an it's allll my fault" Gamzee wasn't expecting that.

"Yep." Karkat continued, letting out a long sigh. "S'all my fault. All of their deaths, my fault. Fish lady, wizard fish, Robo legs, sweaty dude, spider bitch, kitty cat shipper girl. S'all my fault, wasn't an good leader. Fucked up." Karkat's body seemed to grow heavier by the second, eventually the purple blooded troll just dropped him. Karkat only giggled and rolled around on the floor.

Gamzee wasn't exactly sure what to do in this situation. Part of him wanted to leave Karkat there, that was Lil Cal speaking. Another part wanted to take Karkat back to his respiteblock and make him well again, that was Gamzee speaking. And finally, another part wanted to strip the flesh off his bones and leave bits and pieces of him everywhere, also Lil Cal.

"Worst of all wash Gambee." Karkat slurred out, pulling the Capricorn out of his train of thought. "Fucked up that real bad. Dunno why I ever even tried to fix that fredship, I mushed it up too bad." Karkat sighed heavily and pulled himself up to his feet, stumbling a bit. "Dave, d'you think that MAYBE he'll be nice to me and just cull me?" Dave? Gamzee raised an eyebrow. Karkat was so wasted that he assumed that this 6'3 killing machine in boner shorts was Dave.

"Karkat." A bottle fell from midair into Karkat's awaiting hand. "Karkat." Gamzee called out again, Karkat just ignored him and popped the cork off the bottle of wine he had managed to sneak out of the booze cabinet. Gamzee sighed in irritation, he was going to get nowhere with Karkat at this point. He should've just left him drunk off his ass in the kitchen. Why _did_ he even drag Karkat down here? Karkat was next to nothing to him now, just an ex-moirail. An ex-best friend. Then again this ex-moirail would've still been Gamzee's moirail if it wasn't for a certain puppet.

Karkat was gulping down the wine in the bottle loudly, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Karkat, motherfucker you're gonna motherfucking fall down if ya don't quit that rockin' shit." Karkat just giggled and continued.

"Nahhhhh, you'll just cash me. C'mon Davey, you wouldn't let me faaaaall." Karkat hiccuped and took another gulp of his drink before leaning back. Of course having the balance of a newborn he fell back, and of course Gamzee caught him. Karkat burst into a fit of giggles. "See Davey, I knew you wouldn't let me f-" Karkat had opened his eyes to that the one who had caught him was in fact not the human that had been acting as a sort of guardian for the past couple of perigees. Karkat's eyes widened, like a deer in head lights.

"See motherfucker, I ain't no sack a rottin' human shit." Gamzee said matter of factly, Karkat only stayed still. The cancer troll was undeniably terrified, and he didn't know why. There was the fact that Gamzee was after the tall killing machine in boner shorts and fake fairy wings but Karkat was too hammered to remember the gruesome deaths Gamzee was responsible for. It was just something about Gamzee that scared the ever loving fuck out of Karkat, and that's why Karkat punched the clown in the nose.

Terrified as he was he did it. He switched the bottle to his left hand and with his right, in one quick motion, Karkat punched his ex-moirail in the nose. "Aw FUCK." Gamzee instantly dropped Karkat and both hands went to hold his nose. The mutant blooded troll fell to the ground but quickly scrambled to his feet. He stood there, shaking as he watched Gamzee clutch his now bleeding nose. "Motherfucking SHIT Karkat, the motherfuck's wrong with you?!" Karkat didn't know what to do or say, the punch was in a panicked rush. Too late to take it back now. Karkat turned around and quickly ran back up the stairs as best he could. He just had to get away from Gamzee.

"Wait, KARKAT!" Fuck no. Karkat stumbled up the stairs and up another flight of stairs before reaching a transportalizer. Karkat grinned and leaped onto the platform, having a split second view of a tall clown with a bleeding nose in a bard outfit lumbering after him before he was sent back to the computer lab. Karkat sighed and hopped off the platform. He could go into Dave's room and everything would be fine right? Wrong.

The machine behind him was powering up once more, Gamzee was coming. Karkat groaned and jogged down the hallway, looking for an open room. He spotted on and quickly ran in, shutting the door behind him. He backed up a couple steps, waiting for the door to fly open. When it didn't Karkat grinned and took a sip from his bottle. He turned around and began walking to an alchemized coon. Karkat didn't make it too far though.

The intoxicated troll, of course, ended up tripping over his own feet and falling. His head hit a desk and he was out like a light.

So much for his wonderful balance while drunk.


	12. Chapter 12

"Karkat, breathe. Come on Karkat. Just breathe." Karkat was heaving, backed up into the corner of a room. He didn't know what had happened. One second he was running into Dave's door after sneaking out of Sollux's room which he hid in from Gamzee and the next he was in the computer lab. But was it really the computer lab? It in fact was not.

Karkat had burst into Dave's room, waking the sleeping Strider up, only to discover the respiteblock of the Knight Of Time had turned into the computer lab. But there was something about it that had made Karkat's stomach knot and turn at the sight of the lab. Blood was everywhere. Fuchsia and Jade blood was everywhere.

The lab was a mess, there were was a surplus of junk on the floor ranging from moist towels to empty soda cans. A large pile of bicycle horns had fuchsia blood dripping down, the source of the blood herself was laying on her back on top of the pile. She had a blank stare on her dead face, some blood dripping out the corner of her mouth. Not to far away was Sollux, passed out and thrown against the wall. Yellow blood intermingled with yellow tears along with some red and blue smoke. Finally Jade blood was streaming across the floor, leading back to the Rainbow Drinker herself. She had a calm expression on her face, almost seeming as if she were merely asleep which would've been assumed if not for the gaping hole in her abdomen.

Karkat's breathing was uneven. Why was this happening? Why of all things was this the thing that had to happen. Karkat glanced over at Dave to confirm if the human saw this gruesome sight as well. Dave nodded glumly and Karkat knew that then and there, he was fucked.

"Karkat, come on. Breathe. This is just a dream bubble. We're passing through one, it'll be over soon just calm down." Dave was slowly walking over to Karkat, trying to avoid staring at the corpses of Karkat's friends. It was obvious that even with Dave's shitty form of attempting to calm the intoxicated troll, Karkat wouldn't calm down. The cancer troll started sliding across the wall, his eyes glued to a discarded purple cape. "No, Karkat stay here. Karkat- KARKAT!" The cancer troll had sprinted out the room and down the hall.

The walls in the hallway were covered in blood, brown, blue, green, purple. All colours were used to spell a different threatening note. The smell of blood was making both Karkat and Dave, who was chasing after the cancer troll, sick to their stomachs. Karkat had to keep running though, away from all that blood and away from the reminder that his friends were murdered right in front of of him and he didn't do anything to stop it happening.

It was like he was trapped in one of Gamzee's favourite horror movies. Each step he took was just a step closer to the murderer, but who was the killer? He didn't know. Maybe no one was the killer and it was just the booze talking? He didn't know but each step he took was a step closer to his answer. He turned a corner only to find a mass of brown blood on the ground. Tavros. Karkat kept his eyes straight ahead and paid next to no attention to the dead Taurus troll, Dave didn't though. He glanced down at the corpse to discovered that it didn't have a head. This was downright wrong. Dave shook his head and focused on Karakat. He had to get him before he did something dangerous and stupid, which was likely in this situation.

The cancer troll stumbled up a set of stairs and burst into a room only to discover Vriska Serket dead. There was blood oozing everywhere and Karkat was feeling the strong need to throw up, but he didn't. Glancing at a nearby transportalizer Karkat ran towards it. Maybe this time he'd be in a room free of the smell of blood and death. He dove onto the platform and instantly it sent him to a different area. Karkat had half a second to hear Dave call out his name before he was in a different room.

Finally feeling safe, Karkat sighed in relief and shakily climbed off the platform. He turned around, hoping that perhaps he could take a nice long nap and forget this ever happened but sadly, that wouldn't be an option. The ground was covered in Indigo and Olive blood. Karkat eyes wandered up the trail of intermixing blood to see the sources of it. The tall and muscular Sagittarius troll had a pained smile on his face, indigo tears staining his cheeks. The bow they was used to choke him to death was still tightly wound around his neck. His knee was still bleeding from the arrow that had been shot through it. A small gloved hand was grasping that cold dead hand of Equius. It was Nepeta's. She was laying on her stomach which was better. Now Karkat didn't have to see her badly beaten face, though he could see the gaping dent on the side of her head.

Karkat was so fixated on this horrible sight that he didn't hear the transportalizer go off and Dave scramble in. The Knight of Time stopped dead in his tracks though when his shaded eyes landed on this gruesome murder scene. He was really feeling sick to his stomach now, there were corpses and puddles of blood everywhere, he couldn't take it. Karkat couldn't either because the next second he was sprinting back to the transportalizer, praying that it would take him somewhere else. Dave followed soon after him, jumping on the platform and being taken to the spot that Karkat was zapped to. It took him a moment to see Karkat sprinting in one direction and another to see Terezi, Rose and Kanaya all standing together, looking thoroughly puzzled.

Dave floated up a couple inches before flying after him. He had to grab Karkay before he saw any other murder scene. The albino was gaining on him, his arms outstretched to grab him when suddenly he slipped in something and fell backwards. Dave stopped and turned around, the group of girls jogging over to see what this was all about. Karkat shakily stood up only to fall back down again. Something slippery was causing him to fall. The cancer troll looked down to see a large puddle of violet blood on the floor between two halves of The Prince of Hope.

Karkat was wheezing. This was all too much. He looked down at himself to find that he was absolutely covered in the sea dwellers rich violet hue. He looked up to see his friends surrounding him. Rose, Dave, Terezi, Kanaya, _Gamzee._ Karkat took a step back, slipping in the blood again. Why was Gamzee here? Why had he swapped the boner pants and fake fairy wings for his old pair of polka dot pants covered in a rainbow of blood? He was holding his old club as well, it was covered in the blood colours of the two palest trolls in all of Paradox Space.

"Karkat. You must calm down, this is only a dream bubble. A nightmarish dream bubble at that but a dream bubble still." Karkat glanced over at the source of the firm yet gentle voice that was speaking. It was Kanaya. He was calm for half a second before seeing what she was wearing, and what she was covered in. Her skin was glowing, illuminating the area around her. The black lipstick she had on was mixing with violet, which went with the stolen sunglasses that were once Equius'. The purple cape that was once Eridan's was tightly wrapped around her abdomen to cover the hole, but Jade blood had bleed through. She was holding her chainsaw which was also covered in the Royal violet. He looked down at her shoes which were coated in fuchsia and jade.

He couldn't take it anymore. He scooted backwards, the feeling of having to vomit stronger than ever. Kanaya only took a step towards him. She said some gentle words to calm Karkat down but he didn't hear them. The smell of blood was making him nauseous and the images of the corpses of his friends were freshly burned into his thinkpan. He glanced up at Kanaya and down again before he vomited all over her shoes.


	13. Chapter 13

Karkat woke up in a cold sweat. He had passed out right after throwing up the little things in his stomach all over Kanaya's shoes. He sat up, the light in the room was blinding him so he couldn't properly see the room but he could see a blurred yellow and orange-ish figure was in the corner.

"Ah, I see you've finally risen from your slumber." Karkat rubbed his eyes, his vision finally returning to normal. Rose was sitting in a corner of his room, her knitting needles in hand and a scarf in her lap. She didn't even look up as she put her materials away and stood up, smoothing out her god tier outfit. "Come, the others are awaiting our arrival in the common area. After this sort of tantrum and the last, we all figured it was time to take your condition seriously. Oh, and Dave told us about your midnight trips to his room and you stealing my alcoholic beverages." She pushed the door open and stepped out. Karkat frowned, had Dave really told them? What else did the human say? There was only one way to find out. The cancer troll pulled himself up and followed the seer out the door.

They walked in silence and Karkat began imagining the worst possible outcomes for what was going to happen. Was Karkat no longer relevant to their cause and were they going to just....kill him off? No, that's too much. Was Dave going to go back in time and fiddle with Karkat before coming back to fix his fucked up self? No, that's _still_ too much. The Knight of Blood turned possible outcomes over in his thinkpan, too engrossed in thought to even notice that he had already arrived. Karkat blinked and looked about the room, Rose had taken her place beside Kanaya and Terezi was seated next to Dave, his arm awkwardly around her.

"Hey man," Dave said when Karkat came to. Karkat waved hesitantly at the human, not wanting to speak for fear of saying something stupid. "Go ahead and plop your rump down. We're gonna be here a bit." Karkat chewed his lip but did as told, sitting down on an empty chair. He looked like a grub abandoned by his lusus at the moment. Afraid of what was going to happen next. "Alright dude...after your freak out through the dream bubble with the fucking murder movie scenes, we decided it's high time you stop suffering in silence. So we're all here to help. It's kind of like AA except for teenage trolls."

Karkat couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe they all thought something as _stupid_ as this would help. Worst of all, he couldn't believe that Terezi and Kanaya thought it would help too. Karkat glared at the group and stood up.

"Fuck, no way am I going to stay here and have some sort of fucking group feelings jam. Fuck that." Karkat began stomping off but Kanaya gently grabbed his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"Karkat, what you're doing isn't healthy. We're all worried about you and we want to help but you keep locking yourself in your room. I myself was incredulous that the idea would work but we have nothing else. You have no moirail, we are all you have. So sit your ass down and allow us to help you." Karkat froze for a moment before huffing and sitting back down. He couldn't just defy Kanaya, it'd be like signing off on his death. The Jade blood smiled and sat down as well. "Thank you."

"Yeah, whatever. Let's just get this over with." Karkat mumbled, not daring looking at his friends.

"Well Karkat," Rose began. "From the very little Dave has shared with it I have gathered that you are trying to repress something through the drinking only to regurgitate those feelings on Dave during some absurd hour of the night."

"Yeah no shit I haven't trying to repress something. I witnessed my good friend murder two people and blind another of my friend. My fucking best friend went insane and killed two people and became my moirail only to break up with me. Oh, and half of my species is dead due to my poor leadership skills. Should I say more? I actually have a fucking list, do I need to grab it to show you?" The group all looked at Dave for confirmation of the list and Dave nodded.

"During one of his drunken shenanigans, Karkat took me to his respiteblock and pulled out a notebook. It was kind of sad really. After that though he passed out in his gigantic, gross pile of his friend's belongings." Rose furrowed her eyebrows and and looked at Karkat.

"I didn't see gross pile of things while in your room." Karkat fiddled with his sleeve and shrugged. He didn't want to tell them about his pile or his secret room. That was _his_ room. If they were to go in there....it wouldn't feel as homey as before. It wouldn't feel like his friends were really there if they just went into _his_ private room and gawked at everything like this was some sort of freak show. "Well," Rose spoke, breaking the semi awkward silence. "Let's resume this session, shall we?" Karkat and the rest nodded, not like they had a choice really.

"Dave told me that when you go off to his room, intoxicated and loopy, that you _always_ bring one item with you. And if you don't have it you manage to throw yourself into a fit of tears until you do have it. That item is a bicycle horn." Of fuck. Karkat glared at Dave and crossed his arms, the Strider just gave him an apologetic shrug. "I'm wondering, why exactly would _always_ take a horn with you? Does it have something to do with the psychotic clown that lurks this meteor?"

"Yes." Karkat replied curtly. Rose nodded and folded her hands in her lap.

"Perhaps you have become dependant of him? You and he, according to Kanaya and Terezi, have a long history together. You two have been supposed best friends for nearly your entire lives. Perhaps this is the thing has started your dependence on on beverages and your new shut in lifestyle."

"What? No!" Karkat growled out, he really didn't want to get into this discussion but he was being dragged in. "I'm not dependent on that vile piece of clown shit okay? Whatever you're thinking, it's wrong. You're _wrong_. Now if we're done here I'd like to go back to my respiteblock."

"We are far from done, Karkat. Tell me, how am I wrong? You seem to be fully dependent on him. You two were in the pale quadrant at one point weren't you? And from the information I have gathered you have been very close friends for a long time before the game. Maybe it's just his constant friendship you're dependent on? He was always there for you, even when you were not as nice to him. Perhaps you got so accustomed to him always being by your side that his sudden leaving was just so much of a shock that you couldn't handle it so you shut yourself in. And when you were left alone with your thoughts you began drinking. Am I right?"

"No." Karkat mumbled. She wasn't right, she was far from right. Yes Gamzee and he were good friends. Yes Gamzee and he were near inseparable, mainly because Gamzee always glued himself to Karkat's side. Yes he and Gamzee had been pale flirting for a long time but Karkat wasn't upset that Gamzee left him, he was a little but that wasn't the thing that had caused him to go down this road.

"If that's not then what is it? Hm?" Rose asked, seeming a bit amused. Karkat was screaming the answer in his mind but he couldn't find his voice to say it aloud, all he found was the urge to cry instead. No, he wasn't going to cry. Not in front of everyone. Not over something so stupid, so instead he shrugged. Rose raised an eyebrow and leaned forward. "So if you don't know, which is what you were implying with that shrug, then it must be that. So I was right." No, no no no. She wasn't right. It wasn't that. He wasn't dependent on Gamzee, he never was.

"No. You're wrong. It's because I fucked up and failed him." Karkat choked out, bright red tears were beginning to form in his eyes but he could care less at the moment. He glared daggers at Rose and his hands clenched into fists. "I failed him as a leader and as a friend. I let him become something he never wanted to become, I let him down. I broke a fucking promise to him." The tears were streaming down and his face held a mixed expression of anger and sadness. Rose was quiet for a moment, she was sure she was right. After all, it did seem like the most expected reason. After a moment she gathered herself and spoke quietly.

"What was your promise to him?"

"I...I promised him that I wouldn't let him become the murderer he thought he was going to be..."

"When did you promise this? What were the circumstances that led you to make this promise?" Karkat took a shaky breath and looked up at the ceiling, looking at one of the vents before speaking.

"It was the battle with the Black King. We were losing and Gamzee just snapped and decapitated the King with one hit of his club. At first he didn't seem too beat up about it, he was supposed to be fighting after all, but once we got onto the meteor I found him crying in a stairwell. Of course I told him to stop crying his ass off and to get back to the lab but he just spilled his guts, telling me everything. He told me how he felt pretty good being covered in the King's blood and how great it felt to see his club covered in blood. Then he told me he was fucking terrified. He was terrified to actually become a fucking psycho that kills for sport. He was scared to become what his blood told him he could be. He didn't want to be the hemospectrum's designated killing machine. Of course I felt bad for the fucker so...I promised him that I'd rather kick his clown ass all the way to fucking Prospit than have him go into crazy killer clown mode." Karkat sighed when he was finished, tears were still rolling down his cheeks. It was silent for a minute, everyone was just marinating in Karkat's failure before Karkat spoke once more.

"I let him become a fucking subjugglator and the worst part is he doesn't care. He likes this, likes painting his respiteblock with the blood of our dead friends. He liked killing Nepeta and Equius. He's okay with being this monster because it was his blood right." He had to admit, it felt nice to finally get all that out into the open. Karkat looked back at the group in front of him, specifically at Rose. Her lips were pressed into a thin line.

"Well it seems my observations were wrong. I apologise for seeming too confident in my own accusations." Karkat gave a small nod. "Well, now that we understand what has been bothering you so much about the high blood of the group I feel like he is perhaps the cause of your whole emotional instability." Karkat shook his head. "No? Very well then. Let's move to the next troll then." She shifted in her seat and Karkat rose a brow.

"The next troll? Who exactly might that be?"

"Oh," Rose said as she smoothed out her god tier costume. "Why Eridan of course."


	14. Chapter 14

Karkat leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, clearly this foolish group feelings jam would take longer than expected. Nonetheless he nodded for Rose to continue. "Well, Kanaya tells me that you and Eridan had quite the friendship before, during, and after your session. Is that true?" Karkat nodded. He and Eridan were good friends, at times they felt like more than friends but that was something else. "Very well then, tell me about your friendship with the alleged wizard."

"First of all," Karkat glared at the Seer of Light. "He wasn't a wizard. Magic was stupid and his wand was powered by white science. Or hope, some shit like that." Karkat huffed. Under normal circumstances Karkat would've humoured the idea of Eridan as a wizard but these weren't normal circumstances. Eridan, one of his good friends, was dead. Karkat wasn't going to let anyone tarnish the memory of his friend, even if he did have s genocide plan and murdered two people.

"Yes yes, the troll that gathered white science and used it to kill two of your friends, my girlfriend included, and blind another. We all know the story Karkat." The Knight of Blood was having a hard time not snapping at the group, specifically Rose, and running to hide in his sacred room. But Karkat didn't. He instead gripped the armrests and kept his cool then began his story of his friendship with the Prince of Hope who lost all hope.

"I met Eridan through Sollux, he gave me the troll tags of everyone. Anyway, he was a genocidal fucking sea dweller. There's nothing much to say on that. He always went on with his plans for killing off all land dwellers. We'd talk about other things too....he'd come talk to me about his problems when Feferi wasn't around...I actually helped him out when he wanted to ask Vriska to be his kismesis. He always seemed to be more pale towards me than his actual fucking moirail. During our session and after he and Feferi broke up he only acted paler around me. I'd be a fucking liar if i didn't say I haven't thought about tying the metaphorical knot with him and making him my pale mate. Anyway, Sollux and Feferi started their weird pale-red quadrant vacillating relationship and Sollux asked me to do him a favour." Rose was scribbling down notes as fast as she could and nodding along as Karkat spoke.

"He didn't want Eridan to try to yank he and Feferi out of their weird quadrant so he asked me to keep fish fuck busy. So I did. I talked to him and spent hours of my time with him." Rose lifted her head and cut Karkat off.

"What did the two of you talk about?" Karkat furrowed his eyebrows. He knew what he and Eridan talked about. Hell, he always thought about their conversations. He practically had them memorised, but he didn't want to share his private conversations with Rose. It felt like a violation, but he didn't have a choice.

"Eridan still talked about his plans for genocide. He always told me in full detail what he'd and when he'd do it. I always encouraged him." At this Karkat heard a confused little noise from Terezi who hadn't moved from her position besides Dave. "I always encouraged his genocide plans. He had like no fucking self esteem. He always acted high and mighty but in reality he wasn't that. He was always under a fuck ton of stress and didn't get enough praise from anyone for keeping Feferi's lusus fed or not dying or anything. The least I could do is tell him shit like _'That's a great plan Eridan. You actually put some effort into mass genocide, good job.'_ Anyway yeah I did that. But we'd also do our normal gossip like talking about Tavros' new legs or Terezi and Vriska's little falling out or whatever. We'd also have small little feelings jams...I'd invite him to LOPAH and he and I would talk about shit. We'd just....help each other out. We even made a pact...if we didn't have moirails by the time this was over we'd be each other's moirail."

"Why didn't you two just become moirails then and there?" Rose cut in, she was tapping her pen to her chin. Karkat bit his lip and tightened his grip on the arm rest. He didn't want to say what he was about to but he had to. Karkat glared up at the air vent above him, as if the purple blood he once fell pale for was in there, watching him. He quietly mumbled the name of his previous pale crush and Rose nodded. "Alright then, continue."

"We did that a lot, our unofficial feelings jams until he lost it. He killed Feferi and Kanaya and blinded Sollux right in front of me and I just stood there. He saw me there in the corner. He could've killed me, instead he smiled at me and told me he was sorry before getting on the transportalizer and...leaving. I was fucking pissed off of course and I took it out on his past self and I broke off our pact. Then I saw him cut in half later and I lost it. I just couldn't believe he was dead. He was my best friend and he was dead. Yes I know he deserved getting sawed in half because he fucking killed two people but...I don't know. I guess I didn't want him dead? Not even after literally threatening to kill him myself." Karkat sighed and rubbed his eyes. He didn't exactly enjoy telling his friends all these things. He wanted to crawl underneath a table and curl up and cry for hours on end.

"Very well then." Rose yanked Karkat out of thoughts. "Tell us about Sollux." Karkat frowned. Was she just going to ask him about his history with every troll he knew? He glanced over at Kanaya and she gave him a little nod to start, so he did.

"I've known Sollux almost as long as I've known Gamzee. He's my best friend and he and I have had a weird vacillating relationship. We flirt in pretty much every quadrant. When he first hooked up with Aradia I was so distraught that I practically ended our friendship. I was selfish, and I still am, and I wanted him in every quadrant. When he first died I was a sobbing mess and was just about ready to drown myself in LOPAH's sea of blood, then he was resurrected. When he went blind I risked my life to drag Sollux to safety. Then he died again. I thought he was done for then I saw him with Aradia. I was fucking ecstatic that he was alive but I felt that little bit of jealousy come back. Then they told us they wouldn't be on this fucking meteor with us instead they'd spend a fucking sweep alone with one another in paradox space. And that's my friendship with Sollux." Karkat snarled out. He was starting to get agitated with this and Rose could tell, but she continued scribbling down notes. "Jesus fucking dick, what the hell are you writing down?"

"I'm writing what I think your problem is." The Seer replied without even looking up. Karkat frowned and she spoke again. "I feel like you have become too dependent on your friends. Just from what I have gathered in our session your dependent on them for depending on you. Without your friends here constantly needing you. Like Eridan and his necessity for you to be around and praise him or Sollux so you could be around to constantly talk to him the way friends do or Gamzee to ease his rage or for him to ask you questions and whatnot. You have shut yourself in because you have grown dependent on other counting on you for things, without them here you feel useless so you shut yourself away and start to drink. Kanaya and Terezi are still here but you feel as if they don't need you."

"But they _don't_ need me." Karkat stood up, his hands were clenched into fists and anger was clear on his face. The area around them seemed to be rippling but Karkat ignore that. "Kanaya is constantly fucking glued to _you_ all the damn time and Terezi is glued to Strider. You guys have each other and I have no one. At least before I had a giant crab to keep me company!" And just like that, the common area shifted to a completely different scene. The room was pale grey and a giant pile of animal skins was in the corner. At first Karkat didn't recognise the place and had no clue what was going on, then it hit him.

This was another dream bubble. This room was a part of his old hive.

Karkat kept his stance and his angry glare, he wouldn't a change of scenery stop his anger. "You guys just fucking left me alone! The most interaction I've had is when I get drunk off my ass and stumble into Strider's block! You know how much it fucking sucks to live alone for sweeps with no one to talk to then _finally_ be able to talk to trolls online and the one day meet them only to have them _die_ or ignore me because they entered a quadrant with someone? You don't just leave your friend alone. You don't just constantly ignore him. You don't leave him thinking what the hell he did wrong after so long, and sure as fuck don't force him to spill his guts to some creepy human!" Karkat's face was red with anger. He was glaring down at his friends for a few seconds until he heard the familiar clacking against the floor. He saw the eyes of the others slowly go up and he glanced down to see the shadow of a familiar shape. Not a second later and a loud shrill screech sounded off behind him. The others covered their ears, they weren't used to the sound of a giant crab monster constantly screeching but Karkat was. Karkat was used to this and he took this as an opportunity to run to his sacred respiteblock and hide.

So he did.


	15. Chapter 15

_'Go away go away go away go away.'_ Karkat continued chanting in his mind as he tried to sink deeper in his giant pile of stolen clothes. Dave was knocking on his door, trying to coax him out. The others were there as well, trying to ease him out. The momentary appearance of his lusus offered enough of a distraction for him to sprint down the hallways and leap onto platform after platform until he appearified in front of the door of his special respite block. Now there was absolutely nothing that would make him open up the door. He burrowed deeper into his large pile, Eridan's cape wrapped around him.

A click was heard then the door was pushed open and Karkat's heart stopped. He heard feet shuffling in followed by confused murmurings. They were in his sacred space. They were looking at every little piece of his friends he had collected. They were staring at the pile of stolen objects. Karkat didn't move when they called out his name again. He didn't want them to know he was here, even though they already knew. He didn't want to continue that twisted therapy session. He wanted to revert back to his previous state where he locked himself up in his block and came out from time to time. He wanted to be alone and not have to deal with insane humans who get a kick out of bringing up memories Karkat has tried desperately to lock away.

"Karkat..." The Knight of Blood felt Dave plop down on the pile, not that far away from him. No, Karkat wasn't going to indulge them. He didn't want to go out there and spill his guts to those assholes, he wanted to crawl into his pile and just rot in there. He wanted to throw himself a pity party, he wanted to make himself feel lonely. He didn't know why but he wanted to do those things. A pair of cold hands wrapped around Karkat's sides and gently pulled him out of the pile as if he was nothing more than a rag doll. It wasn't much of a surprise that Kanaya was the one who pulled him out, damn her rainbow drinker strength.

"Karkat you _cannot_ continue to play these childish games." The Jade blood scolded as she set down the pouting cancer troll. "You have some serious issues and we will not stand around and let you destroy yourself, now you are going to set yourself on the path of healing or so fucking help me I _will_ take this entire situation into my own hands!" Karkat opened his mouth to say something then quickly shut it, he didn't want to anger the already upset Jade blood...

"No." Karkat spat out, looks like he _did_ want to anger her. "I'm sick and fucking done with this bullcrap. Honestly, I tried at fucking first okay. I fucking tried to play along with that shitty fake therapist game Rose was playing, but it just got too much." Karkat bared his teeth and balled his hands into fists. "I don't feel fucking comfortable gushing out my feelings to a bunch of assholes who try to relate to me when really they can't! After, what, nearly a solar fucking sweep of emotional suicide you _finally_ decide to help out!" Kanaya takes a small step back, he shoulders slumping as the angry words continued to tumble out of Karkat's mouth. "Well guess fucking what, I don't want your help! I don't fucking need it! What I want is for you to leave me alone! What I need is for you to just go away! Where was this sudden desire to help me out perigees ago! Oh, I know, it was buried fuck deep in Rose's yarn because you were too damn engrossed in your matesprit to even notice what kind of emotional turmoil your best friend was dealing with!"

Karkat was huffing, his little rant finished, and other than that the room was dead silent. They didn't know what to say, Kanaya didn't know what to say. Karkat was right. She was so caught up in her new and exciting relationship she neglected her dear friend. Her relationship was just so...new and amazing she wanted it to go perfectly, she was never in a red relationship before and _needed_ it to go perfectly. She didn't know that doing so would lead to this.

"Get out." Karkat said curtly and the group did as told, leaving quietly. And just like that, Karkat was alone all over again.


	16. Chapter 16

_"Dear friend, here we are again pretending to understand how you think your world is endin, sending signals and red flags in waves it's hard to tell the difference between blood and water these days. I'll pray that one day you see, the only difference between life and dying Is one is trying, that's all we're gonna to do so try to love me and I'll try to save you. Won't you stay alive I'll take you on a ride, I will make you believe you are lovely."_ [ X ]()

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of their journey went without any major events. Karkat continued to lock himself away in his room but came out more often, mainly speaking to Dave but he did repair his friendships with Terezi and Kanaya. Terezi's relationship with Dave ended and her not-so-new ability to see was revealed along with her long term pitch relationship with Gamzee. Rose and Kanaya's relationship was still proudly standing, Rose's drinking problem putting a slight strain on it.

And after all that, there they were, staring death in the face. Death took many forms though. Sadly for Karkat, death was fighting what was once his moirail. For Kanaya, death was Her Imperious Condescension, Rose's death was caused from attempting to avenge her girlfriend that was reduced to a mere pile of ashes but was killed from a strike to the chest from her double sided pitch fork. Dave's death was heroic, though he may argue other wise. He died fighting and trying to protect and already dead Jade. Terezi's death was slow and painful, she was forced to stab herself in the gut with her own sword after having to witness everyone else's painful deaths and slowly bled out while making sure there was still hope in the next timeline.

And that was that. All the kids were dead. Everything was done. Lord English had won. That was that.

Only that wasn't that.

Karkat's eyes shot open and all he saw was red and all he felt was burning. The burning lasted but only a second before melting away. He was laying on the ground, body sore and still seeing red. He didn't know what was happening, where he was, what was going on. He laid there for a moment before he finally pulled himself up to his feet. The action was difficult, he felt as if his body was being passed through quicksand. Even with this obstacle Karkat forced himself to move until he felt some sort of wall with a rocky surface. He climbed up, absolutely determined to get to some area where the only thing he saw wasn't red.

His thinkpan went mad as Karkat tried to figure out what was going on. He couldn't remember a thing and the thought of not knowing only frustrated him. He climbed for a while, trying to get any insight on the situation, before he finally broke through the surface of the red substance that was slowing him down. He climbed a few feet above the mysterious substance before finally looking down.

It was _lava._

Karkat gasped and tightened his grip on the rocky wall in front of him. He was in lava. Karkat was in _actual_ lava. He was baffled, how had he not died? How was he not a pile of ashes? Questions zoomed around his thinkpan before one clear statement popped up: He had to get away from that lava. The cancer troll looked up and saw that the rocky wall he was climbing wasn't a wall but something resembling a cliff, and he still had a long way to go before reaching the top.

He continued to climb on shaky arms, trying his very best not to look down. Of course every once in awhile he took a peek down and the fright made his arms shake even more. He was terrified, what if he fell in? What if whatever was keeping him safe from the lava before wouldn't work a second time. He continued climbing. Karkat looked down again and the fear hit him harder than before, he loosened his grip on the rock enough to where he actually let go of the rock and began plummeting back down. He quickly flailed his arms and grabbed a hold of the rock once again. He was whimpering and shaking violently, he was nearly submerged in the lava once again and the thought scared him. Red tinted tears streamed down his cheeks as he sobbed and continued climbing upward. Karkat only climbed a few feet before he heard something.

"Karkat?" The voice was barely audible and unrecognizable. Karkat brushed it aside. He continued climbing, his arms shaking and weak. The voice spoke his name again, louder this time and Karkat swore it was Sollux. His suspicions of it being his best friend came true once the half-dead Gemini troll wrapped his lanky arms around Karkat's midsection and lifted him up. Karkat was baffled, who wouldn't be? He just arose from a giant pool of lava and was now being flown up by his friend to the top of a cliff. Sollux was talking to him but Karkat didn't hear, even though he was approximately two inches away, he was too stunned to even listen.

A moment later and Sollux gently set Karkat down on at the top of the cliff before floating back to a crowd of white-eyed trolls. Karkat couldn't believe it. Standing right in front of him was his group of friends. Sollux, Tavros, Vriska, Terezi, Kanaya, Eridan, Nepeta, Equius, Feferi, Aradia. Standing to the left of them was Dave and Jade and two new humans, both bearing some resemblance to John in one way or another, everyone there was white eyed with the exception of Aradia. And just like that, it all came flooding back. The game, the meteor, his death, it all rushed back to him. And just like that, he realised.

"I'm...dead...?" Karkat mumbled as his hands went up to feel at his chest for any sort of hole. Nothing was there. A smile crept up on his face as he looked up at his friends once again. "I'm dead." Karkat said again, happy tears spilling over his eyes. A giant genuine smile was now plastered on the dead cancer troll's face, a happy laugh escaping his mouth. His friends all were flabbergasted at how positively Karkat was reacting to this, but they decided to act positively as well. The group, even the two new humans and a stunned Jade, went over and all hugged the happy cancer troll. Karkat couldn't stop the happy tears as the rushed out of his eyes. He was dead. He was dead and with his friends and he was happy.

Finally, Karkat wasn't alone.


End file.
